Never was Aware of It

"I can't blame her in all....neither your love nor your mutual friend...
I can't blame you...because i know all you did, what you had to..."

I moved out remembering small incidents from the time i shared with her,
and i blame myself for knowing everything as whenever i try and compare ..I lost everything in knowing everything.

Why you made him the part of all this ? he questioned....
who ? he ? i asked

Her love ...he replied..

You told me , i 'll loose her someday...

yes , i did ...he replied.

And  that day you said it , i'll loose her to curse...and the only reason that could save her was definitely not me.

I love her and will always . I just tried to know my value in her life.

The day you told me ....the curse was after her...and i still had time in ensuring her safety
the time that was important for me too...as i won't be spared by the curse too...

The curse had started showing signs ...with me thinking of  ways to end all this from my life.
I wanted her to be safe...but she wanted to stay.
I just thought  was i being selfish ...when i was trying to make her a part of a never-ending trouble
when this love was going to end someday.
I was a fool who believed love could carry out miracles...and would simply help me with a miracle or sort of to ensure her safety
but still it would leave an impact on her...
be it through my condition.

I thought it won't be fair , if this time passes by and it (the relationship) ends.
I would feel that i used her to get through it.
Even if she herself wanted to be a part of it.

While the life with him was really simple,
she would be so much happier than being with me.
Even he used to do a lot of things for her.
So i just envied him for all the reasons that made me realized at every point that i was cursed.
I can't do all those things ...that made  her smile and  the things that she valued.

All i could do was write ..messages , call her every now and then...
for everything i can't do , I blamed the curse...

I seriously started feeling that if she has to make a choice...someday in the future..
Then let it be that day...

I was fighting within myself for the decision i had made...

The promise i made to myself ..was that if she choose me...I ll be her love forever...and won't leave her.
But if she didn't , I 'll leave her to be with him forever.

I never had a reason to give her to be with me..but i thought i would find many when i would begin searching for them.
I thought i won't give her any reason that was her own to realize.
The only thing i thought i could try with was something even i valued in my life, the time spent with her...
I thought i could make her remember those special moments , as now we hardly could be like that
as we were just involved in my grievances or our quarrels.

I begin searching for those threads , those comments , those messages through which we shared so much about ourselves over the internet.
I realized that from past three-four months she hadn't been online much , or we didn't talked much over the internet.
I remembered  i once made her notice that thing , so she replied with she didn't felt like coming online...

But my search took me to some posts which were there over the internet but i never came to know.....
I was looking for something but i found something else....
and when i further carried my search , i found many of those....

So with all the moments that we shared , i kept those pieces of the moments not part of the puzzle too with them.
When i just asked her what it meant...
She had no answer...
If she would have given me the truth....i would have not asked her again.
But she kept me waiting ...but i still wanted an answer...

And i had my answer ...when i told her everything about me
and opened a way out of her life...
which she showed me ....when i asked her to make a choice between me and him.

Slowly -Slowly my steps moved backward ...and it widened the gap between us....

I didn't brought  him into the matter...she did with she never made me be aware of it...