As To Why

Be it fate or anything...that make it a reason
that i am alive
I am all what i never wanted to be....

I am stagnant with my life not ready to move
i feel being cheated by everyone even the curse....
When everything was just as thought , then what made the fate change...

Why I am still alive ?
when everything i wanted ,either i lost or i left it uncared.

I am sitting next to him...The one who saw everything happen in  front of his eyes...
the one who helped me fight the curse..

Whenever i am next to him , i am full of questions which i put in front of him to have my answers...

he looked at me and said "You seem to have healed up from the wounds , curse gave you"
I passed a fake smile in reply to that..

I know what you are thinking ...but try and accept what you have ...you'll feel better.
he told me...

What should i accept ? when i have no reason..for anything

I have no reason for why she left me ??

Why my mutual friend failed to understand , that i didn't find her strong to be told about the curse, i didn't wanted to bother her
or make her be in any sorts of trouble all because of me ?

Why that guy who i used to call my friend , proposed her even when knowing how i felt about her ?
Have his feelings died now ? Is he all done ? Satisfied ? With whatever purpose he tried fulfilling with all that he did ?

Why she failed to understand that i just tried to ensure her safety...from the curse..?
I  just tried to figure out ways in which the curse could affect her...maybe i over-exaggerated the situations in ensuring her safety
but i tried to rescue the love of my life...

Maybe i fell prey to the game played by curse...as it chose me as the medium and not someone else...
But i still strongly felt that it was curse who made me turn against her ..
when that guy did what i didn't expected it from him.
and everything i saw or read about her and her Mr.Perfect, those conversations on thread or be it the whole drama of the B'Day.
i over-exaggerated it in fear of curse...

I don't know what was on her mind ...was she really using me up ?

You used to call me an animal ...all because of my instincts that caught the curse in situations it was part off.
i used to just be an animal in my ways either making the curse or the person involved back-out from the situations ..
Whatever i used to say ..when being an animal...i never used to apologize as i did them for their benefit and i never put that as a favor on them..but in case of her ..i did the unusual , i did apologize...even after making her know my condition...
to which she always took it to her heart...the words said in aggression just to ensure her safety...

Now if i could ask her ...as she never believed me at that time..
What happened to the feelings of that guy ..who proposed her ...was his feelings or love short-lived ?
I knew it would be short-lived , as i inferred it all to be a part of the show put up by the curse for me...
I warned her ..just not to fall for the situation and be a victim ...of the curse..
who knew my strength was her and only her...

Why i couldn't have her in my life ? When it was certain to have her presence for lifetime ?

I turned towards him ...directing all those questions to him...

He said.. Everything you said is correct in a way or the other...but
the answers to all your questions won't be of any matter ...to you
they would just hurt you whenever you would think of them ...it won't be of any help.

I didn't stopped myself from knowing ...everything ,then maybe this is something atleast i deserve...

You are alive all because the curse may have not found it valuable to cause death to you..as in the end you were ready for it
and eagerly wanted it...curse is selfish with these matters ..he never gives you what you eagerly wants instead gifts you what you fear the most...
This is what i think about it ..it maybe true or not , as no-one can judge the decisions of the curse...

Even i cant give you the reason...for why she left ...its all because and according to her own willingness..

Coming to the question about that guy...then i think you made a wrong choice in believing in that kind of person...who don't value someone's else feelings...and do things in order to hurt others...

But in the past he never did anything like that...to me or be it anyone...that made me look suspiciously at everything that was taking place.
i added..

Its difficult to separate the actual personality of a person with the personality influenced by the curse...
how can you be sure ? that person was not of that kind , who wouldn't do such thing...
Just don't make your decisions blindly just on the basis of the curse...

The reason she may have left you could be...you blindly believed in her ...blaming curse for everything..
and she left ..when she was all done with you and didn't find you anymore useful...
The situations ...point in this direction too...
as you can't give any reason ...as you don't want to be blamed
and you can tell other that he was going through a tough time...and i can't bear his nonsense..
everyone would believe her and not you...

When it was certain...it signifies possibility and it is not definite...
So it equals the possibility of you not being alive ...still you are
so it was certain but it didn't happened...
Maybe you are saved ..as she may have never understood you and your condition , and it may have hurted more if she would have
left you with the curse...on its arrival.

Why you are telling me all this ? discussing everything with me ?
You trust me right ? that i'll give you a sound advice...or make you understand the situations..so that they don't affect you.

I don't blame the mutual friend...maybe she wanted you trust her with everything...
and she didn't understand what her friend had known and she didn't ..even if she had known you more than her.

The girl you love may have assumed all your truth as lies ..as she may have failed to understand why you had only told her and your mutual friend didn't knew anything ...it makes her not trust you even when she wants to...
I can't blame her in all....neither your love nor your mutual friend...

I can't blame you...because i know all you did, what you had to...