Reminder from Life - I

Walking the road alone , i am still not out of  my weirdness that has made home

somewhere in me.

I am willingly unable to be with anyone .

her words still hit me pushing me back from a life to be

asking me " Was it just for her or I never wanted her ?"

I kept myself alone , just not to get influenced

as i believed i could find a reason to be with her among all the bad.

Out of all the things i lost ,
the promise that her love would accompany me till the end , was something that i never owned .
It always belonged to that Mr.Perfect who made her believe in himself .

 I was lost in my thoughts when someone intervened us .
I looked at him with surprise and asked me " How was  I?"
I gave him his reply though i was reluctant to replies now !!

The person who was in front of me was someone i knew as a classmate(at college).
and the person he referred to was someone i knew from my school days .

I really couldn't grab onto what was actually happening , i grew uncomfortable to the talks from his end.
To which his words inquired ,
" Don't want your friend to be with you now ?"

He helped me through times when i asked him but now i am not the person who he used to be friend with.
Maybe i am someone he shouldn't know for his own benefits .
I don't feel comfortable bring all the important points forward as an explanation to everything and everyone , just
to make them sure that i am not lying about it .

Here comes he .(the friend of mine)
Asks me its been a long time .
For some time , i just looked behind him
searching for someone or something.
You wouldn't believe i felt her presence in my life .
at that moment .

It made me go restless when my heart and mind diverged on coming to a conclusion about the presence or existence of something close to me.
he continued , but my heart ached for her absence there.

He put up some questions about my welfare
which i did answered  but i always looked around in search of her .

We discussed few things regarding here and there , and then he left .
When he left , i was over with that happiness that contained  me with an assumption she was with me all that while.

My mind did felt at odd , and my heart put forward a possibility that 

"was it her , who wanted to know about my well being through him"
 
He had not come specially to see me like this , to know my well being . Everything strengthened the possibility .

But the other side of me , dejected it making a point , that even if she made efforts to know about me through him .
 
It doesn't make any difference because it won't  change what all happened and won't open doors for her in my life.